Kaoru's Barriers
by VashandNaomiForever
Summary: Sequel to Hikaru's Desire, read that first please. Rating changed! Kaoru's been effected negatively physically and mentally from their incident at the cabin. He will have to overcome his barriers, as he tries to cope with his disability, his relationships with people, and his overall happiness with life. He's finding it hard to believe anyone will accept him this way.
1. Chapter 1

**Kaoru's Barriers**

Ever since the incident at the cabin, Kaoru had been constantly taken to doctors. His 'mild concussion' turning into more than anyone would have expected. His head had been rattled enough when tossed about the cave walls, that the doctors were talking now of minor brain damage. His days were filled with MRI's and CT scans, leaving little room for anything else. Not that he could complain much, for his speech was becoming hard to manage, stumbling over words that inwardly he knew, but his mouth found it hard to say.

Blood clot, now they were worried about that possibility. He couldn't even voice his fears and worries to his beloved twin, the lack of elaborate speech and the fact that Hikaru almost cried every time Kaoru looked at him, made their relationship sharply different. And he needed his brother so badly too, the fear of going under the knife frightened him badly, the thought bringing forth nightmares to the already traumatized Kaoru.

Hikaru was holding his hand the day his parents said they had made a decision. That he was going to have surgery, that the doctors were hopeful to remove any tissue that may have been damaged.

"Remove tissue? But what if they make him forget things? How can you be sure Kaoru will come back the same?" Hikaru argued on his twins behalf.

"He's already not the same Hikaru, look at him." His mother gestured at her son laying on the hospital bed. "It's the best option we have."

Hikaru kept arguing, but their parents were firm, leaving no room for debate. Before Kaoru was wheeled off to go into surgery, his brother hugged him, whispering in his ear that he loved him, that he'd be there when Kaoru came out. Kaoru wanted to be brave, to put on a determined face for his worried twin, but he couldn't. His tears were flowing as he gave Hikaru a look of complete and utter fear as the nurses wheeled him off.

-0-0-

Kaoru...He had been on Haruhi's mind all day. Hika had called to tell her that Kaoru was headed into surgery, to have his brain jabbed and cut on. God the thought made her sick, imagining what scene was playing out as doctors and nurses tried fixing that poor boys head. She wanted to believe he'd be alright, but the scholar in her knew the facts. That many brain surgeries didn't go well. The human brain was delicate, even with technology today, doctors could still mess up a procedure.

Ranka tried cheering her up, bringing home romantic comedy movies to take her mind off things, to momentarily forget the boy she cared for. They sat together, her leg elevated on Ranka's lap as they watched the movies in silence. He'd rub her foot and ankle from time to time, watching her face more than the television, making sure she was alright emotionally. His daughter was a pro at hiding her feelings, when she should be more open to talking and expressing herself. It pained him to watch her mask, her face neutral as they watched what was suppose to be a funny romance.

"Honey, he's going to be okay." Ranka carefully spoke to her, receiving a raised brow from his daughter.

"Who?" She nonchalantly asked.

"That twin, Kaoru. He's going to be fine, Sweetie." He tried once again with reassurance.

"Lets just watch the movie please." She cooly replied back, turning her attention to the screen, her body tensing up.

"Sorry." Ranka apologized, rubbing her foot thoughtfully as he kept quiet for the rest of the film.

-0-0-

On the first day of school, Hikaru came to class alone, shocking everyone within the class as they bothered him with questions about Kaoru.

"He's resting. He'll return to class as soon as he can." Hikaru tried to put it simply, not wanting to get into why his twin was absent. He was lucky to have Haruhi in the same class, that alone feeling he was dreading without his twin by his side, ebbed a bit with her relieving presence. She'd sometimes glance his way, smiling kindly, other times she'd reach out and give a little squeeze to his hand, making the fan girls howl with joy. It wasn't for the fan girls, Hikaru knew she was perfectly sincere, that people chose to see it the way they wanted to.

During school, both knew they had to play it cool, their relationship somewhat a private matter still. Tamaki was about the only Host Club member to really know the truth, and he wasn't about to blab about Hika and Haruhi's passionate relationship he witness during break. Hikaru was positive that Tamaki still didn't accept the fact that Haruhi was with Hika, but all that wasn't a high priority right now. Hikaru had a lot on his mind, and Tamaki was in the loop on how Kaoru's health was. He'd hopefully not bother the couple with jealous comments, and realize that Hikaru needed compassion and understanding.

At the start of Host Club, Haruhi stayed nearby Hikaru as they catered to pretty girls needs. Serving tea and speaking charmingly to guests while also taking opportunities to glance at one another, sharing smiles. This discreet glancing didn't go unnoticed by all the ladies, some finding it sweet while others found it romantic.

The guests speaking with Hikaru were very polite towards him, possibly knowing he was sensitive about his twins absence, and bringing up topics that didn't involve his other half. As the guests slowly began to leave, the other hosts started gathering together, talking quietly amongst themselves until the final guest had left. Once they were all alone, Honey and Mori started asking about Kaoru's health. Honey doing most the talking while Mori stood by quietly, carefully observing Hikaru's tired, saddened face.

"He hasn't spoken to me. Since coming out of surgery. I don't know if it's because he doesn't want to, or that he can't physically speak. He hasn't spoken to anyone, just nods his head yes or no. They think they fixed his problem, but something happened..." He paused, everyone was listening in now. Haruhi was by his side, her hand reached out to hold his while he collected himself.

Tamaki and Kyoya stood the furthest from Hikaru, watching patiently as the boy regained his composure.

"During surgery, there was a problem. They pinched something inside his brain that caused Koaru to...he holds his left arm like this now." Hikaru showed them, placing his forearm close to his chest, his hand curled and limp looking.

Honey was in tears at seeing Hikaru's description, Mori was bent down, trying to console his blonde friend with a kind embrace. Everyone else was exceptionally silent, watching as Honey cried into Mori's strong, supportive shoulder.

"What about rehabilitation, or physical therapy?" Kyoya piped in, "Surly something can be done to improve his motor skills."

"We'll see. Kaoru's just so unresponsive. It's like, he's locked himself up inside his own world. A world without me in it..." Here Hikaru excused himself, leaving the music room to find some quiet place to let out his overwhelming emotions.

"Hika!" Haruhi went to follow, but was stopped by Tamaki.

"Senpai?!" She furrowed her brow and grumpily looked at him.

"Hikaru needs to calm himself, Haruhi. Let him be for a moment." Tamaki tried telling her.

"What he needs, is someone to listen and be there to support him!" She argued back, jerking from his hold and leaving the music room.

"Poor Kaoru!" Honey cried, hugging onto Mori as they looked out the door Haruhi had run out.

"Kaoru's going to need us, when he returns. I expect every one of you to treat him well and not point out his obvious disability. From the sound of it, he has a lot of healing to do." Kyoya spoke to everyone, eyeing Tamaki more than the others.

"Did you really think she'd let him go off on his own?" Kyoya lightly scoffed at Tamaki.

"Daddy's little girl is very rebellious!" Tamaki crossed his arms and began to pout, not looking at the face Kyoya was giving him.

"Keep telling yourself that." Kyoya sighed sarcastically. When would Tamaki realize his true reason for being overprotective over Haruhi?

-0-0-

Disclaimer: Ouran Highschool Host Club doesn't belong to me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Kaoru's Barriers**

The Hitachiin twins were known for doing everything and anything together. They played games with people to try and see if anyone could pick them apart from one another, other than the maid from long ago, Haruhi had been the only other one to accomplish such a feet.

The twins relationship was drastically changing. As things currently stood, anyone could tell the difference between Kaoru and Hikaru. Kaoru's surgery had seen to that, to start with his head had been shaved so that the doctors could cut his skull open. He now had a scar on his noggin from them poking around inside, their procedure had taken many hours but they'd gotten the damaged tissue. They had also, most unfortunately so, pinched a nerve of some type while operating that he now held one arm funnily. His brain could no longer communicate to the appendage to tell it to move, irritating and frustrating the twin.

What was even worse for Kaoru, was the lack of speech. Inside his head, he had all these thoughts and words wanting to break through to the surface, but for one reason or another, his brain wasn't signaling the way it should to allow him to converse normally. He felt like a zombie form of himself, grunting or nodding his head to answer people.

Hikaru tried treating him normally, telling him how school went everyday, even though parts of Kaoru could care less, the twin tried to act like he was listening. Hikaru would sometimes look at him so very longingly, undoubtedly missing their talks, missing the sound of Kaoru's voice...It was at these moments that Kaoru would close his eyes and pretend to fall asleep, hating how hurt and sad his twins eyes were.

His parents had tried encouraging him to try forms of physical therapy. Going to a normal therapy office and working with people on machines to try and gain back his arms mobility. He went a few times, his fingers slowly awakening from their death like slumber, but Kaoru just wasn't into it. The scene around him, all the other people that were trying to gain back mobility just like himself, bothered Kaoru. Seeing so many individuals with disabling symptoms put him in a grim, dark mood until finally he just refused to go back at all.

Realizing that half his problems were mental, his parents thought that maybe he'd do well with programs that gave him social interaction as well as mentally soothing him. He had been taken to a cat sanctuary, where people of all varieties came to pet the cats and interact with one another. Kaoru hadn't minded, his strong right arm stroking his selected cat as 'helpers' stopped by to sit and chit chat with him, not minding that he didn't speak back.

Then there had been the dolphin encounter...Kaoru had never liked those water dwelling mammals, their black eyes beady and not remotely cute in his opinion. But they had him in a pool, petting one anyway. The thing was weird feeling, and it's quick movements worried Kaoru as it swam about cheerfully. The encounter did little for him, even with Hikaru tagging along and trying to show Kaoru how fun 'dolphins' could be.

At the end of the day, inwardly Kaoru decided he had had enough of these useless outings. They hadn't helped him recover his speech back, so what good had they truly been for him? When he refused to go to more therapy, his mother decided it was time for Kaoru to try and go back to school, hoping the routine and socialization would do her son some good.

-0-0-

The day Kaoru came back to Ouran, everyone was very quiet and subdued by his physical appearance. The shaved head, along with the way his arm was positioned brought forth silent confusion and worry from classmates. Hikaru had never mentioned the reason behind Kaoru's absence, only to the Host Club members, and the arrival of Kaoru was an adjustment for the unprepared first year class.

Kaoru, for the most part ignored the stares and awkward waves, focusing only on the work teachers dished out. Despite his verbal hardship, Kaoru was still able to write well enough to answer questions on papers. Hikaru tried sending Kaoru notes, hoping for a lengthy written response from his brother. Kaoru would answer simple, or sometimes just ignore the note all together, hurting Hikaru's feelings a little.

The twin just wasn't in the mood to write a long paragraph about how he truly was feeling. How he felt like a prisoner inside his own body, between being unable to verbally express himself, to the physical disability of having no real movement in his left arm. He was unhappy, and didn't know if he'd ever be happy again. He felt the stares upon him, his scar still visible upon his shaved head. So much for being a handsome host, maybe Tamaki would come up with a Frankenstein angle, beastly on the outside, warm and sensitive on the inside. Hell, even on the inside he felt ugly, holding inside him resentment and anger over his situation.

Haruhi was the one person Kaoru saw as genuinely kind to him because she cared for him as a person, not just because of his new disability. She never looked upon him with fear or unease, but she also wasn't pitying him with her touch and smiles. For her, Kaoru would write more than just a one word answer, feeling inclined to do so because she was herself with him. She didn't baby talk him, or try to be extra careful about how she spoke, she was just Haruhi. He was grateful for her normal behavior, and hoped others would start to follow her example.

-0-0-

The third year students, Honey and Mori, along with their younger leader Tamaki, had created a welcome back celebration for their friend Kaoru. Sweets adorned tables along with tea cups in various patterns, there were white lily flowers surrounding the music room, with banners and streamers decoratively placed about the entire room. Up beat classical music was playing in the background as Haruhi, Hikaru and Kaoru entered the room.

Kaoru was surprised and somewhat uneasy over all the attention, trying hard to remain among their smiling faces as Honey tried showing Kaoru around all the tables. The blonde third year was telling Kaoru about the different sweets, commenting on how tasty they all looked. Kaoru quietly followed, the food not interesting him, but he was trying to be polite.

After Honey was done ogling over the many sweet treats, Kaoru was confronted by a group of girls.

"We're so glad you're back Kaoru, we all really missed you, especially your brother!" One girl commented.

"Hikaru was in good hands though, sweet Haruhi kept him company while you were away. They've gotten so close!" Another girl made mention, getting an elbow jab from her two friends.

"What she means to say is, that Haruhi kept Hikaru company. That's all." A different lass tried smoothing things over.

"Have you seen the way those two look at each other?! It outshines brotherly love even!" The rude girl spoke, the two others started dragging her away, embarrassed.

'Haruhi...At the cabin, I had an even chance at winning your feelings, or at least sharing you with Hika. Now there's no way she'll ever see me in that light, not like..._this_.' He silently dwelled on his feelings for the female host. Hikaru wasn't the only one in love with her, but now with his current state, there wasn't a snowball's chance in Hell that she'd love him back.

"Kaoru?" There she was, her gentle voice calling towards him. The different twin turned around to stare at her wishfully.

"I was wondering, how have your physical therapy outings gone?" Kaoru groaned and shook his head no. Had he a piece of paper, the twin might have elaborated, he didn't mind writing his thoughts down for her to read.

"Well, how about this. Next time you go on an outing, I'll come and keep you company. That is, if you'd want me there." She was blushing a bit, waiting on his response. Seeing as he doubted there'd be any more outings, Kaoru agreed, thinking there would be no harm in the theoretical company. Haruhi smiled happily and said she looked forward to it, before leaving him to go speak with guests.

-0-0-

Disclaimer: Ouran Highschool Host Club doesn't belong to me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Kaoru's Barriers**

Hikaru was very relieved to have Haruhi beside him, helping with Kaoru's return to Ouran. She was gentle and kind towards Kaoru, getting him to actually respond to questions through written notes. Sure, he was a little jealous, that his twin responded more to Haruhi than himself, but he let it go. Kaoru needed patience and compassion, there wasn't going to be any room for petty emotions like jealousy.

Hikaru had listened in to Haruhi offering to accompany Kaoru on his next physical therapy outing. Hikaru had tried participating with Kaoru during the dolphin experience, and his twin hadn't seemed overly happy to have him along. Then again, nothing lately brought a smile to Kaoru's face. Maybe Haruhi could really break through Kaoru's wall and get his brother back to the way he use to be.

After school, two separate limos came to pick the twins up, one to take Kaoru into a routine check up, while the other would take Hikaru home. He had asked Haruhi to tag along, needing the company since his twin had become so distant. The couple rode in silence, holding each others hand as they quietly thought about their day. Kaoru was not the same person any more, Haruhi had an easier time accepting him as he was. While Hikaru still clung to the memory of how he had once been, holding onto the memory so tightly that it was difficult for Hikaru to acknowledge Kaoru's different personality.

The mansion was empty, his parents busy with work still, giving the couple opportunity to relax and openly show affection. Haruhi was draped over Hika's body as they lounged on a long plush couch in front of a enormous television. Watching an old black and white film involving mobsters and detectives. The screen was on for mostly background noise, their attention paid more to one another's embrace as the silly old film played on.

Hikaru was gently stroking Haruhi's short locks when she asked him how things had been going around his home life, if his parents had stopped arguing as much.

"They've cooled down a bit. I don't know if that's a good sign or bad, but at least Kaoru and I don't have to listen to it for now. Did you know that he's been sleeping in his own separate bedroom since the accident? Even when he was through with surgery, Kaoru wouldn't...he wouldn't." Hikaru paused, his body going stiff as Haruhi turned to look at him. His face was filled with hurt, eyes glassy as he tried not to cry.

"Hika..." Haruhi sighed, cupping his cheek with one hand.

"He won't sleep with me. Every time I even start to ask, he walks away from me, Haruhi! He just walks away..." Here he let out his tears, pulling his girl in close as he wept into her hair.

Haruhi held him back, rubbing his shoulders as she tried to think of something reassuring to say. Kaoru had gone through a lot, it was going to take time for him to cope with the way things currently were. It seemed that sleeping in the same bed as his twin was one of those things that just was going to take patience and time.

"I'll talk to him, next time he goes to physical therapy, when I'm with him I'll try to see what's going on inside his head." She promised her boyfriend, kissing his forehead sweetly.

"Haruhi...he's refused to go anymore. I don't know how you'll be able to talk to him." Hika sighed, but Haruhi kept a determined look on her face.

"Did your parents agree with his decision?" She curiously asked.

"Well no, but how can you force him to go when he doesn't want to?" He asked her.

"Let me do some research, maybe I can find something that will change his mind, catch his interest." She was serious, her promise to help with Kaoru making Hika's sad heart lighten.

"If anyone can do it, it'd be you Haruhi." Hika smiled at her warmly, bending down to kiss her soft lips. With Haruhi's help, they could figure out Kaoru's true feelings and maybe get him back to the way he once was.

-0-0-

Haruhi was an avid movie watcher, (when she wasn't studying), secretly enjoying movies that started out tragic but ended happily. Her physical therapy idea for Kaoru to try, came from watching a movie she had seen when she was a fair bit younger. It had been about a young girl and her horse, they had an accident together injuring both of them, physically and mentally traumatizing the pair. Long story short, the girl was able to work through her physical and mental disabilities by using horseback riding as a form of therapy.

Now, movies weren't always an accurate source of information, so Haruhi went online and researched real life facilities in Japan that catered to persons with disabilities. What she found intrigued her, the practice of using horses as a way of therapy was fairly new to their country, but studies showed that it was actually quite beneficial.

There were three main aspects in riding for people with disabilities; "Hippo-Therapy" which helped participants recover physical functions. "Therapy-riding" which brought physical, educational, and mental through learning riding skills as well as taking actual care for the horses at the facility. The final aspect was "Recreational Riding" which was the act of riding for the simple pleasure of it. All in all, the idea sounded inviting and intriguing.

Haruhi had the twins mothers contact information, and decided to send her a quick email about possibly setting Kaoru up for a day at the facility. Adding that she would willingly come along and make sure the stubborn boy actually tried participating. It was worth a shot at this point, attempting therapy was better than abandoning it completely. Hopefully between his mother and herself, Kaoru could be convinced to travel down the right path towards a slow but steady recovery.

-0-0-

Disclaimer: Ouran Highschool Host Club doesn't belong to me.

A/N: My work schedule has been super busy! I will try to keep updating often, but I'm so gosh darn tired after work! :( Anyway, I hope you all like where this is going! As for the movie Haruhi had seen, can anyone guess which one I'm referencing?


	4. Chapter 4

**Kaoru's barriers**

Humans weren't the only living things that required therapy, that sometimes needed a second chance at life. Horses at the Healing Meadows facility had all come from different walks of life, most abused or neglected, while others were simple abandoned all together. Horses found like that were often donated to the therapy center, to receive care and rehabilitation. Once rehabilitated, they were given a second chance at life, and helped other living souls work through their various disabling issues.

The horses were well taken care of, all grained and brushed out every single day, but some still held old marks from their past. Kaoru, in his own way, felt a kinship towards these creatures, seeing some with permanent marks on their bodies like lumps or scars, knowing that in their own way, they'd seen their share of Hell.

Mentally he was okay with the idea of doing the therapy, but his physical body was apprehensive. They were big animals, after all. Sooner or later, the therapy plan would want him on top of those giant creatures, and Kaoru didn't know if his arm would ever get strong enough to even use to help climb into the saddle.

"It's alright, the first week's all about knowing the horse, how it responds to you, how you treat it and take care of it." Haruhi reminded her hesitating friend. They were both standing in front of a stall that held one specific horse. The helpful therapist that Kaoru had been assigned was inside the stall, slipping a halter and lead rope on the tame animals head.

"This is Niko, he's a gelding meaning he's been castrated. Niko's our oldest resident, 30 years young and quite the character." The therapist informed both teens, "His breed is Arabian, see how his body is rather dainty and his head is refined and dished, they also naturally carry their tails very high like his is." The trained personnel opened the stall door and led out the perky eared, lightly prancing horse. Tying the animal to a secure post before wandering to the tack room for grooming tools.

"May we pet him?" Haruhi called, her eyes wide and curious, finding the animal intriguing.

"Go ahead, he loves attention."

Haruhi walked to the side of the animal, Kaoru by her side as she gently reached out a hand to pet Niko's smooth arched neck.

"So soft. Try it, Kaoru." She smiled reassuringly to her quiet companion.

Hesitantly, his good arm reached out and began to stroke the brown gelding. The horse turned his head to look at the young people petting him, a pleased look in his large, gentle eyes.

"He's beautiful, can you believe he's 30?" Haruhi nudged her companion, reaching over to pet the horse on the forehead. He started to rub against her touch, using her hand to scratch his itchy head.

Haruhi giggled, as the trained professional came back with soft bristled brushes, handing each teen one.

"You brush with the fur, not against it, like this." He demonstrated before letting them have at it. Haruhi brushed the upper half while Kaoru brushed the geldings stomach and hips, supervised by the therapist.

"When we're done brushing him, we'll give him some exercise by leading him through a little obstacle course." The adult in charge informed the couple, backing away to observe them as they brushed the horses other side.

-0-0-

Hikaru watched from a distance as his brother and Haruhi lead a prancing horse around some obsticals. Crossing wooden poles placed on the arenas sandy ground, taking the animal over bridges. He was smiling, Hikaru noticed, his twin giving a sideways grin to the giggling Haruhi. The two were enjoying the activity. . .

Why was Hikaru feeling jealous? it should make him happy, seeing his brother smiling and enjoying something, but Hikaru was still feeling a bit bitter, wishing it was he who had made his twin so pleased.

'_Stop it, quit being moody!_' He mentally scolded himself. Haruhi was his girlfriend and Kaoru's friend, she had done an amazing thing, had made the depressive and reclusive twin slowly exit his shell to smile, to enjoy life as it was.

"Why her?" He spoke aloud, wondering why he wasn't good enough to help his brother feel back to the way he use to be.

-0-0-

Kaoru kept a happy demeanor throughout his therapy, enjoying the physical interaction he had with the lively horse called Niko. Haruhi could tell that this type of environment was good for him, he wasn't guarded while he handled the large yet gentle animal. The few times that Haruhi would look over at the stand offish Hikaru, she swore that the twin was frowning, but then he'd smile quickly at her, waving politely.

Was he okay? Maybe he was having a hard time staying away, it seemed lately that Kaoru just wasn't interested in having his brother beside him. It couldn't be helped, Haruhi was able to hang out with Kaoru, but in doing so she sort of had to leave Hikaru out of the fun.

"Haruhi, are you ready to head home?" Kaoru asked, bringing her out of her private thoughts. The horse had been put up for the day, their scheduled time was over with. Smiling at him, the kind hearted girl took Kaorus good hand and walked with him towards the direction of their vehicle.

-0-0-

Once the three had made it back home, Haruhi took Hikaru aside to talk privately. The entire drive home had been quiet, her boyfriend strangely staying mute until they pulled into the driveway.

"What's bothering you?" Haruhi asked, wanting to know how she could solve any issue he may have had.

"I just don't want to talk about it. It's nothing." He brushed off her question.

"No, what ever you have to say, I want to hear it." She assertively spoke, watching as her boyfriends neutral face turned into a crabby look.

"I'm upset that it was you that got him to smile, not me. Alright? I know it's petty, and stupid, but it's how I feel." He huffed, crossing his arms defensively.

"Hika, this isn't a competition, at least I'm not trying to make it one. Your brother had a good day, so I happened to be the one interacting with him, next time it can be you." Haruhi offered, trying to compromise.

"You don't get it. He doesn't want me, Haruhi. He wants you. In fact, I know he's wanted you even before his accident."

"Wait a minute, so one moment you're mad that I made him happy, then the next you're accusing him of wanting me? Hikaru, you're being overly jealous here. Your brother needs you to be compassionate, and I need you to not get mad at me when all I'm trying to do is help."

Hikaru sighed, rubbing his brow as if chasing away a nasty headache. "I know. Please, just promise me that when you are helping him, you don't forget about who you're really with."

That comment went over like a lead balloon, Haruhi leaving in a miffed mood, saying farewell to only Kaoru. . .


	5. Chapter 5

**Kaoru's Barriers**

-0-0-

Kaoru went every Tuesday and Friday to his horse filled sessions of physical therapy. He was accompanied by both his brother and Haruhi. His brother would stand back, usually playing a handheld video game or listening to his iPod, while Haruhi involved herself with everything Kaoru did.

She was at his side when the horse savvy therapist explained how to properly saddle their horse, they worked together to throw the saddle upon the geldings back to demonstrate to the instructor that they were listening and catching on. Haruhi was standing beside him when he stepped onto a mounting block, a hard plastic staircase looking thing that made it easier to climb atop your readied horse. Kaoru had been nervous about it, the animal was tall and with his arm still lifeless, catching himself if he fell off wouldn't be very feasible.

She had encouraged him, had given him the inner strength to hop upon his friendly horse, Niko, and once he was balanced in his saddle, he felt proud of himself. A feeling he hadn't felt since his horrible accident. The instructor let Haruhi lead Niko around while Kaoru sat happily in the saddle, smiling brightly as he enjoyed the animal's pleasurable gait.

After an hour of horseplay, they unsaddled Niko and brushed him down before putting him back in his stable. Standing in front of the stable door, the two friends shared a warm smile.

"Kaoru, I'm so proud of you! I'm so glad that we've found something you enjoy doing, it's made you smile more, something I was worried you'd forgotten how to do." She took her hand and squeezed his own warmly.

'_Haruhi, you made it possible, spending time with you, and this horse, makes me feel like life isn't just a big black hole of emptiness_.' He silently thought as he squeezed her hand back. His eyes left her to gaze far away, near the parking area where his brother was. Hikaru was busily goofing with his phone, not even giving them a glance. Kaoru's smile faded as he looked at his brother, his mind turning cloudy.

His facial expression did not go unnoticed, Haruhi physically turned his head to make him gaze upon her once more.

"Your brother _loves you_, Kaoru. He just has a hard time interacting when there's so much going on over here, with what we do." She made her excuse for him. Kaoru knew the truth, his jealous brother had a hard time watching his girl spend time with his _disabled_ brother. He wanted Haruhi for himself and to stop himself from being disruptive and snotty, he stayed away from the two of them and played his video games, or listened to his music. Kaoru may have been distant from his brother, but years of knowing how the others mind worked, made it easy to figure out Hikaru's true feelings on the matter.

Looking at Haruhi, having her hand resting against his chin and cheek to keep his focus on her, Kaoru let go of his dark feelings. He placed his good hand over the hand she had on his face, and nodded his understanding. She looked so relieved at his nod, her eyes so bright and filled with contentment, Kaoru couldn't help himself. He leaned down and pecked her softly on the cheek, very close to the corner of her mouth.

Haruhi gasped, her face burning red and she looked up at him with a mixture of surprise and amusement.

"Kaoru, I think we forgot something in the tack room..." She took his good hand and lead him away from the stable, into the empty tack room.

Kaoru looked about the room, trying to identify what they might have forgotten, when he felt a light tap on his shoulder. Puzzled, he turned around and noticed that the door was closed, and that Haruhi had on a nervous, tired smile.

"Listen, I know I just got done telling you that your brother loves you, but if he had seen _that._..what you did back there..." She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. "I love your brother, but I'm not blind to the fact that he's not the only one who has feelings for me." She opened her eyes after saying this, looking knowingly at the taken aback twin.

"Kaoru, you know I care for you, and I'm here because I care. I know that things have been difficult, and that our time spent together makes our friendship even stronger, our feelings of fondness stronger." She reached out and took his strong hand in hers, "I know you want to express your feelings, and it's good to know that you have these positive feelings, but you and I...Your brother, you know of his jealous side. I hate hurting one of your feelings by trying to make the other happy, so I'm going to try and make everyone happy. When you want to express your feelings, like you did earlier, we'll come in here where your brother won't be able to throw a fit about seeing just a friendly hug or kiss."

Kaoru was hoping for a "I love you instead of your brother" speech, but he felt that her willingness to let him open up his "emotions" was the perfect chance for him to get her to fall in love. In the beginning, he had been sure that his disabilities made it nearly impossible that he'd ever win Haruhi over. Now he felt there was an actual chance, his physical barriers along with his minimal ability to speak might have brought him a blessing in disguise. He never would have come here, to this facility, if he had not experienced his disabling accident. He wouldn't have had this activity to bond with Haruhi.

Kaoru pulled her to him, using his good arm, and held her close. He breathed in her sweet aroma that now had the scent of horse and leather, and couldn't help but like the way it smelled on her lithe body. Her own thin arms wrapped around him as she hugged him back, making his heart rejoice.

-0-0-

After their friendly interaction within the enclosed tack room, they went and rejoined Hikaru at the awaiting limo. Haruhi told her boyfriend about Kaoru getting on Niko's back for the first time, and how well his brother had sat in the saddle.

"Huh." Was all the twin spoke, disinterested in what his girlfriend had to say. The rest of the ride home, Haruhi spoke to Kaoru, who would text on his phone to reply to her words. Hikaru remained passive and distant even as the limo reached its destination. When the twins got out of the car, Haruhi was jerked out roughly by Hikaru, who informed his brother that he'd be taking their friend up to his room.

Possessively, he pulled her body with him, up flights of stairs and down countless halls until they arrived to his enormous room. He locked the door behind them and looked at Haruhi with a raised brow. She looked worried and annoyed, her arms crossing over her chest.

Hikaru positioned himself directly in front of her, looking down in a displeased way, and then he blew her away by engulfing her in his arms and passionately kissing her firm lips.

Kissing her deeply, caressing her body to him, Hikaru pulled up for air to smile sinfully down at Haruhi's dumbfounded face.

"You need a shower, I can still smell that animals sweat on you." He gave the lightly dazed girl no choice, picking her up bridal style and carrying her into his bedroom's adjoined bathroom.

Hands started unzipping and unbuckling, the roar of the shower filled their ears as Hikaru quickly saw to it that they both were ready to enter the spacious shower. Sliding the glass door open, he lifted her light body into the shower and under the warm spray of water.

"Hikaru!" She tried complaining, but his urgent mouth and quick hands had her moaning with sheer delight. Hikaru used his loofa to scrub at her perplexed and anxious body. Taking pleasure in teasing her taunt nipples with it and watching her eyes flutter, her back arch.

He slid the loofa north, wiping at her belly and going down further. Being the smart ass that he was, he pushed the loofa underneath her and slid it back and forth like a certain appendage would. Her brows furrowed at his horseplay, her hands grabbing and jerking away the loofa and pulling his body to her. She dug her nails into his shoulders as she kissed him aggressively, feeling his body reacting as something pushed against her thigh eagerly.

One arm slunk down and her palm began to play teasingly with his arousal, Hikaru held her firm rump within his hands, pushing her closer as he mockingly began to thrust.

"Hikaru, what am I going to do with you?" Haruhi chuckled, kissing his neck and leaving a small red mark.

"I do have a few _suggestions_, if you're out of ideas..." He mumbled into her ear, a playful grin tugging at the corner of his mouth.

-0-0-

Kaoru hadn't liked the way his brother had hauled Haruhi away, the look on his face had been hard and stony. Without the two beside him, Kaoru felt his confidence from earlier slipping away. He may have a chance with Haruhi in the future, but for now she was with Hikaru. . .

Kaoru sighed dejectedly as he made his way up to his room. Now that he no longer shared a bedroom with his twin, he didn't have to worry about walking in on his brother smooching or, lets be honest here; screwing his beloved Haruhi. Nope, Kaoru didn't have that to worry about, he just walked into a very large, and very empty bedroom now.

Trying to take his mind off what his brother may or may not be doing, Kaoru turned on his stereo and pulled out a magazine to read. Taking the magazine to his bed, he plopped comfortably on his king sized mattress and started to read his Playboy.

One thing lead to another, and before he knew it, his good hand had traveled downward. He attempted to focus on the big breasted blonde pictured within his magazine, but his mind began to drift to the girl he truly desired.

His memory went back to that historic night, the night he had gone into her room at the cabin. She had still been bleary eyed, along with the darkness, she had assumed he was Hika. At the time, Kaoru had been curious and eager enough to let her think that as he touched her body. Teasing her nipples, then having her hand upon him and stroking his whimpering member. How her head had gone down to let her mouth access his full length...

"Haruhi!" That memory had him going, Kaoru felt his entire body shaking with ecstasy as he released himself. Looking down and seeing the mess he had made, the young man got up and went into his private bathroom, ready to scrub off his sinful joy.

Later that evening, everyone had gone to bed, and Kaoru had been the last one up, watching a movie in their living room. He heard footsteps coming down the hall, his head turned to watch _Haruhi_ enter the room. He blushed, remembering what he had done hours ago at the thought of her, and turned his attention back to the film. He could hear her giggle, and felt her trim body take a seat next to him. Kaoru continued to watch the screen, feeling the heat in his cheeks and hating the fact that he couldn't stop blushing.

A head rested on his shoulder, he moved only his eyes, _not his head_, to glimpse her brown head of hair.

"Aren't you going to ask why I'm still here, Kaoru?" She spoke quietly to him. He merely shrugged, which caused her to chuckle softly at him.

"It was getting late, and your parents offered to let me sleep over." She informed him.

His parents, huh? Kaoru was surprised it hadn't been Hikaru demanding she stay the night. Perhaps with all her help lately, his guardians wanted to try and make her feel welcome...

"You and your brother, you two mean the world to me. I just wish..." She hesitated, and when she continued to stay silent, Kaoru turned to her expectantly.

"I wish you two let me love you both." Her eyes were closed, her body relaxed and limp, she was barely awake. Gently, Kaoru leaned his head down to kiss her the top of her head.

'_Me too.' _Kaoru mentally sighed his thought as he let her snooze peacefully against him.

-0-0-

Ouran Highschool Host Club doesn't belong to me.


	6. Chapter 6

**Kaoru's Barriers**

-0-0-

Kaoru was learning how to properly control his horse on his own using reins that were connected to the animals bridle. Most people held the reins in their left hand, but since his left arm and hand were currently unresponsive, the young man had to use his strong right hand.

His horse behaved reasonably for him, moving off to whatever direction Kaoru sent him to. He was feeling more confident in the saddle, and decided to try and make his horse trot. He squeezed his legs and lightly nudged the geldings sides with his booted heels.

Niko was eager to quicken his pace for his rider, and instead of moving into a choppy trot, the gelding went into a gentle, rocking lope. Kaoru felt his stomach tense as his horse went faster than he had anticipated, but his balance stayed true, and soon his body felt excitement and joy at the animals loping pace. Kaoru started loping in circles, then started to do wide figure eights around the sandy arena.

After a few moments more, he pulled back on the reins and had Niko walk around the arena, cooling the animal down and lowering his heart rate slightly.

When he came to a stop by the arenas gate, he was greeted by a beaming Haruhi and the grinning therapist.

"That was amazing, Kaoru! You looked so confident out there!" Haruhi complimented him, making the twin blush.

"Your confidence has really grown, you're doing a wonderful job with Niko." The therapist smiled fondly at the horse and rider. The therapist opened the gate and let Kaoru ride his steed over to the mounting block. Without any assistance, Kaoru was able to dismount by himself. The therapist took the horse and gave the couple a private moment to chat about Kaoru's riding.

"It looks so peaceful, the way your face lights up while you're riding out there, I admit I'm a bit envious." Haruhi chuckled.

Kaoru smiled and pointed to her and then towards the horse that was being lead away. He was trying to say without words, that she was welcome to take a ride on the animal.

Haruhi shook her head, "This is therapy for _you_, Kaoru. I'm fine just watching." She assured her kind natured friend.

Kaoru rolled his eyes and started to head towards the hitching post next to the tack room, Haruhi followed quietly behind him.

Niko was standing patiently at the post, his saddle and blanket already removed. Kaoru patted the animals shoulder tenderly before going inside the room to retrieve grooming tools. He came back out with a brush that helped removed sweat from the animals fur, along with a soft bristled brush. He handed the soft brush to Haruhi and began to remove excess sweat from the geldings back and sides.

Both teenagers worked quietly and diligently until the animal was properly groomed. Haruhi and Kaoru fed Niko some apple flavored horse treats before taking him back to his designated stable.

"This place, it's really wonderful. I remember when my mother was still alive, how we talked about signing me up for lessons..." Haruhi paused, her eyes holding an old sadness to them. It was a subject that she rarely brought up, her mothers memory was dear to her, so much so that she tried keeping it privately to herself. It meant something, at least Kaoru thought so, that she was comfortable enough to tell him about a memory involving her mother.

Kaoru took out his phone and began to write a text, finishing his thoughts and showing her the phones screen so she could read it.

"Your mom would be happy knowing you're here, around horses. I want you to ride with me, Haruhi."

Haruhi looked up, after reading the text, and smiled gently at Kaoru. "I can't, this place is for helping people. It'd be wrong of me to ride when I'm perfectly fine." She had meant well, with her words, but somehow they made Kaoru feel very aware of his disability. He had been feeling like a normal person until she had mentioned that this place was for people with problems. People like him...

Kaoru put away his phone and started for the limo, Haruhi followed after, sensing that he was upset but not understanding what caused him to feel that way.

Once they reached the vehicle, Kaoru didn't try texting to speak with Haruhi. He barely listened to her relaying what happened that day to Hikaru. When she mentioned that Kaoru had handled riding his horse at a faster pace, Hikaru actually smiled and congratulated his twin.

Kaoru just shrugged, feeling moody and wanting to escape the enclosed space that held all three of them so closely together. At the moment, he really didn't feel like having Haruhi around their house, knowing his brother would have free roam of her body. It'd annoy Kaoru, and he already felt frazzled and bothered enough that evening...

He took out his phone and sent a text to his brother.

"We need to drop Haruhi off at her house. I want you and me to have some privacy." He was lying, not really interested in having a heart to heart with his twin, but he felt that was the best way to motivate his brother, to grab his curiosity.

Moments later, Kaoru could hear Hikaru whispering to Haruhi. She got a puzzled look on her face, before smiling kindly at Hikaru. "Of course, I completely understand." She assured Hika.

Thirty minutes later, the twins were dropping off Haruhi and driving alone towards their own home. Hikaru made small talk, mostly stuff about school. Kaoru tried to remain annoyed and soured over what had transpired at the stables with Haruhi, but the more his brother tried talking to him, the less angry Kaoru felt. Maybe trying to speak with his twin privately wasn't such a bad idea after all, perhaps it'd help him sort through his feelings he'd been having.

When the limo pulled up to their home, Hikaru and Kaoru went up to Hika's room and sat together on his bed. Hikaru asked what was on Kaoru's mind, and Kaoru began to text on his phone to answer his brother.

"At the stables, Haruhi talked to me about her mom, how Haruhi wanted to try taking lessons when she was a kid. I offered to have her ride with me, but she said no." Kaoru waited for Hikaru to read his typed words before adding, "She said it'd be wrong for her to ride, that only people with problems like mine should be riding." After texting this part to his brother, Kaoru felt his eyes glass over, his emotions getting the better of him.

Hikaru read what his brother typed out, and felt a pang of remorse within his heart. This entire ordeal, his brothers disability, was such a sensitive topic. Surly Haruhi hadn't meant to cause hurt feelings, but it appeared the damage had already been made. Kaoru was near tears, his good arm wrapping around himself for comfort.

"Kaoru, she wasn't trying to hurt your feelings, but I can see that it's already harmed you." Hikaru wrapped an arm around Kaoru's shoulders, letting his brother lean into him for comfort.

"I know it's been hard dealing with this, your body isn't the same anymore. But you're still our Kaoru, you're still my brother." Hikaru felt his own emotions surfacing. Lately he'd been so cold and distant from Kaoru, doing it because the same thing had been done to him by Kaoru. Kaoru, who had gone through Hell, trying to sort out his emotions over his disability. Hika had been behaving like a jealous, cold hearted jack ass, treating Kaoru with coldness for more than the one reason. His love for Haruhi had made him overreact and behave like a spoiled child. Kaoru was his twin, his other half, he didn't deserve to be treated coldly.

"I'm sorry," Hikaru spoke up, "I started distancing myself from you because I felt you were doing the same to me, then with Haruhi, I just made things worse. I've been cold and mean to you, Kaoru, and I'm sorry." He pulled back to look at his brother, his tender hearted twin was weeping softly as he gazed sadly at Hika.

"Your my brother, and I love you. I should have been more supportive, Haruhi shouldn't have been the only one trying to help you. I want to try harder, Kaoru. I mean it." Hika kneeled before his brother and took his twins good hand in his own, kissing it tenderly.

Kaoru slid down to the floor and embraced his twin, sobbing into Hikaru's shoulder as they patched up their issues. Once their sobbing had ended, Kaoru was able to type his questions to his brother. Hika held gently onto his brother while he watched Kaoru text his thoughts.

"We fight, it's what twins do, but I still love you at the end of every one. Hikaru, does this mean you'll be there when I'm doing riding therapy? Can you be okay with sharing Haruhi that way?"

Hika read the text and continued to hold his twin close, "That depends, will you start sleeping in our bed again? I miss having you near me, Kaoru."

Kaoru looked up at his twin to roll his eyes in a playful manner.

"I can sleep with you again, that just means we'll both have to share covers with Haruhi when she spends the night again." He typed out his comment. Hikaru stuck his tongue out at Kaoru in response, making the twin smile with relief.

"Kaoru, I meant it when I said I'm gonna try harder. I won't freak out anymore if I see you touching Haruhi, I'm tired of letting that always pull us apart." Hika confided with his twin, running a hand through Kaoru's shorter locks of hair. "I never want us to be distant like that again, if that means sharing her affection...I guess I can compromise." Hika sighed in a playful way, getting a fun little jab in the ribs from his smiling brother.

"Good. We always were better as a team." Kaoru texted his thoughts to Hikaru. This time they'd pull through, no matter what challenge faced them, the twins would hold onto one another and work through their troubles.

-0-0-

Ouran Hishschool Host Club doesn't belong to me.


End file.
